Home is where I store my peace, my stillness, and my furniture.
Home is where I can enjoy my solitude, where the act of cleaning my dishes is a joy.
Home is where my snacks feel sufficient, and I have all the ingredients I need to live.
I haven’t stepped foot outside in at least two days now since arriving home. And the AC is on too darn high. I felt strange to be back again for a minute, but I also felt glad once again to be here reunited with my safety and solitude.
I used to travel a ton, but I found all that travel and mobility a distraction from being in one place so this year I cancelled many travels except for last month my flight was cancelled from being able to return from Milwaukee. Shortly after, I was also invited to enjoy some forest time with friends.
While in the car, I asked my friend to help me write down a thought I had while in the drivers seat:
A day in a life is like a lucid dream of a collection of observations unwritten and forgotten, unless you write it NOW
And that is how our thoughts pass through time regardless of where you choose to stay or move through space. In a group, I often observe what I would call the ouiji board dynamics of the collaborative desire, but when in solitude I can just be myself without anyone else influencing what I decide to do. How wonderful it was again to be alone. And I told all my friends who wanted me to host them, no.
No, the last few weeks of July was going to be for me. And despite all the invitations to Burning Man this week, I have to admit that I really don’t feel a need to step through any portals anymore in the same spirit that the submarine really didn’t need to go visit the Titanic to know what we already know: that hype sinks.
I don’t think I can afford to use any more time exploring what I already know I need to build. I have more answers than questions, and I don’t need to reconfigure. Honestly, nothing matters anymore. I just want to focus on being the best version of myself.
Sometimes explorations don’t lead to anything other than back home.
As long as you make it there.